Slow To Anger

Slow to Anger

"(19) Understand this, mydear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, andslow to get angry. (20) Human anger does not produce the righteousness Goddesires." {James 1:19-20 NLT}

One of the key factors that leadto conflicts is that we are inclined to want to have others listen to us anddon’t really desire to listen to others.  It is difficult to hear things that we don’t agree with.   Yet, one of the first things I can do to defusea conflict is to go into “listening mode’ and strive to really understand theother person.   Listening is not agreeingbut it is honoring the other person enough to try to see through their eyes.

“If you can learn asimple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. Younever really understand a person until you consider things from his point ofview, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” 
– Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

When we are ready to judge and condemnthe other person, “listening with compassion” means that we remember our ownfaults before we harshly criticize another. 

“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone,ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resemblesthe one I am about to criticize?” 
– Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.

We have to look out for theself-righteous statement.  “I would neverdo that” even if we only say it to ourselves, since this invites to go react inmoral outrage and superiority to the other person.   

We need to just uncritically hear andattempt to actually be open to understanding the other person’s point ofview.  When we can “Echo” their view backto them in our own words and they agree we have understood then we have beeneffective in listening.

The next step in keeping ourselves outof destructive arguments is to always carefully and prayerfully think aboutwhat we will say in response and how we will voice our disagreement.  We need to state what we say as “I think” and“I feel” instead of stating our point of view as “the facts” and avoid accusingthe other person with a lot of “You always” statements.   Express your perspective without threats,condemnation, sarcasm, mocking, cursing, or yelling.   We will be heard better if we approachthings from one of love and peace.

"(1) A soft answer turns awaywrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." {Proverbs 15:1 ESV}

Being slow to anger depends on usseeing how it is just one letter away from “danger”.  Weighing the cost of getting angry, thedamage we may do, and the very real potential that instead of accomplishingGod’s will on the earth, we will do harm instead.  While it is possible to be angry and sin not,it should be a last alternative instead of a first one. 

So taking a pause from a discussion, toprocess the problems, and plan for solutions will normally accomplish more thanus losing or temper.